Monday, November 06, 2006

maamiar & marumaghal

Can't we stop the war happening for generations between maamiar & marumaghal ?.
yes we can do...

Click the following links - Article from rediff
Handling in-laws: The wife's perspective
Marriage and in-laws: The husband's perspective

What can be done for a peaceful joint family?
Wife :
1. Needs to understand that her in-laws are not her enemies. Their acts are just out of insecurity.
2. Make them understand that she's not there to separate them from their son. Rather, adapt and be their daugther.
3. Though her husband loves her, there are times when he can't support her openly. So, blaming him doesn't work. After all, he's suffering more than her.
4. Her parents are equally important and they need to have their self-respect.
1. Try to understand that his wife is equally or more important to him
2. His mom has the 100% support of his dad + equal support from him but its his wife who feels uncared for and insecure.
3. Appreciate his wife in even small adjustments she does. This gives her the energy to face life. She needs a reason to continue her journey and that is just love. She needs assurance that you understand every effort she takes.
4. Understand she has no happiness in tolerating his parents. She is losing her intimacy, independence, creativity, individuality and her parent's love. But all this is only for one reason "husband's love". She deserves more.
5. Try to balance for the intimacy which she might have otherwise got in a nuclear family. Sometime alone might work wonders. She just needs to be heard.
6. Understand that the more he cares for his parent-in-laws, the more his wife would get attached to his parents. As long as he maintains a distance she tends to keep worrying about her parent's future. Once she gets the confidence that he's there to take care of them, she starts giving back.
In-laws (Wife's):
1. Try to understand that the girl has been a daughter for these many years and is new to a married life. She is just like wet mud and has to be moulded as required but too much pressure can destroy her.
2. Give away responsibilities than holding on to them. Push them into the water then they'll swim. Experience is the best teacher. There is no right way of doing things. Each person needs to have their individuality.
3. Treat her parents with due respect. Understand that as long as her parents are happy she would be happy and any problem there would increase hatred towards them.
4. Give some time alone for their son and daughter-in-law, instead of feeling jealous at her happiness.
5. Try to let go of their son rather than holding back. When both parents and wife pull a man, ultimately noone is going to be benefitted.
1. Do not interfere and question the mother-in-laws' behaviour. Even if the mistake is on the mother-in-law, she wouldn't accept it. This would add fuel to the fire.
2. Have confidence on son-in-law. When their daughter, who is 24*7 with her in-laws takes a long time to understand them, don't expect your son-in-law to be a son soon.
3. Always pacify your daughter though you know she has all reason to crib. Never add fuel.

Will this strategy work?
Is it asking too much from all?
What else is the solution to this never-ending problem?

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